Mein Kampf: 4th grade

The library in my elementary school was in the center of the building.  It was almost like a one of those gladiator fighting pits.  Everything surrounded it.  In that way is was extremely neat.  I remember circling it, looking down at the nerds playing Oregon Trail, the cool girls sneaking peaks at tattered V.C Andrews novellas.

My fourth grade teacher assigned our class a report on any famous figure that ever lived.  Ten pages, holy shit, double spaced, work cited.  Or at least that’s how I remember it.  Naturally I chose Adolf Hitler.

I scavenged the Seaside Elementary school library and managed to drum up the lean, unremarkable dribble that tends to keep the kids nightmare free and the school board out of hot water.   In my heart I knew there had to be more.  How could a man of minimal education and base up-bringing urge an entire country to such inhumane heights?  After much begging/tantrum throwing my aunt took me to the grown up library and set me free.  If you wanna see a strange look, try checking out Mein Kampf with your jr. library card.

After two weeks of living and breathing Hitler, I typed a heavy handed, synonym loaded master piece.   I was accused of and ultimately exonerated of plagiarism, the paper was like putting out an ashtray fire with a hose.  Turns out I was flexing nuts in my formative years as well.

I am still fascinated with Hitler.  The sweeping reality of how ripe a weak people is for the picking.  It’s like a bird with a broken wing.  Only the true predator dines on something that helpless.  I wonder about the men and women that carried out so much hideous insanity.  Hitler is not that much of a mystery to me now.  I know way to much about him.  I know that he liked to be crapped on.  I know that his mother used to fondle his business.  What I don’t know is how he made it past the raving drunk bar guy and into the annals of history.



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